Pity

I HAVE BEEN mulling on one word.

Pity

What is pity? Is it feeling sorry towards something? Is it useful, does it help the subject of your pity? Or sympathy?

My friend Jane attends morning mass daily. Thanks to her, I recently discovered the joys and graces of reciting Lauds and Vespers to begin and end my day. Jane has given me a gift I can never ever hope to repay.

Lately, Jane has been getting me to lead the recitation of Lauds.

Now, I am not particularly fond of the mike. I wriggle out of public speaking whenever I can get away with it. I can expend a great deal of brain power to come up with disproportionately elaborate plots and schemes to cop out.

When Jane first asked me to fill in for someone who did not turn up, a small miracle happened. I didn’t hesitate. Not even for a nano second. I said "yes". No excuses came to mind.

Copping out on Jane is unthinkable.

Jane has been a commentator in the church for over ten years. She has a lovely mellow and calm voice. Perfect diction. Faultless pronunciation. When she reads, you feel drawn to the words that spill from her lips in perfect timing and pitch. To put it rather clumsily, Jane speaks, erm… musically.

It didn’t turn out too bad, actually. My tongue didn’t freeze or trip, the words rolled off quite easily. My throat didn't hurt. I still have to work on the intonations though.

Jane is like my speech therapist. She is my role model, an inspiring one. Ever since she became my trainer and friend, I have dropped one word from my vocabulary.

Pity.

There's just too much connotation to this word. Pity doesn't help anything. Pity is terrible because you are elevating yourself above another when you pity.

Jane has a confidence that is immensely reassuring. The serenity in her voice is instantly comforting. She is a woman of great dignity. To people like Jane, pity is useless and condescending.

Jane is forty-something. She is wheelchair bound. She is a Thalidomide victim. She was born with no legs at all. Pity does nothing for her except to denigrate her. Pity is an insult to someone who can hold you captive with just her voice.

And I understand where she's coming from, perfectly, when she said this:

“It can get frustrating when you meet people and the first thing you see in their eyes is pity when they know little to nothing about you.”

Then, there is this simple wisdom:

pity = give a man a fish, feed him for a day.

empathy = teach a man to fish, feed him for a lifetime.

This might help you appreciate why pity is a natural instinct we should learn to resist.

Oh, by the way, I am dropping another word from my vocabulary.

Disabled

I am replacing it with 'differently abled'

If you had clicked on the link (and read the entire article), you will understand perfectly well, why 'differently abled' is a better way of seeing and feeling, of empowering and affirming their dignity. Try it, I urge you.